Warning: Nonsense

I woke today to a bad dream.
That is why it's 6 in the morning and i'm here writing about it.
I usually have a hard time going back to sleep after having a non pleasent dream.
Yes, I admit i'm too scared to re-live those characters, feelings, situations that made me wake up in the first place. I'm human.
Hence me, at 6 am, writing about it.

I'm a listener, or a non-talker, which is practically the same.
I don't like talking just because, with no purpose....
Friends and family always say to me 'say something, you're very quiet', to which I reply 'there's nothing really to talk about' or  -depending on my mood- 'I'm just embracing the silence'.
I know I could just go along with the situation and talk about the weather or describe my day, but I never feel like it.
I just like to talk to myself in peace (not that I have voices in my head -don't think me nuts), machinate, draw up ideas that shall never be known and discart them right away, think matters thouroughly....but always in silence; always to myself.....
I'm doing it right now, starring silently at the screen thinking if I should write this or not...

Due to this particular quality I have, I've always been a lonely person.
Do not mistake lonely with being alone, I have wonderful friends and family who are there in case I need them.
What I mean by saying that I've always been a lonely person is that I spend much time by myself.
That's just how I am. I'm not much of a 'misser'.

I think part of growing up is learning to be by yourself. Probably one of the toughest life lessons, especially to those who have never been alone. I worry many of my friends and acquaintances won't be able to handle loneliness. Won't be able to find a job on their own, keep it on their own, pay the rent on their own, live alone on their own. Cook to themselves only..... They have always been sorrounded by family, friends, or life partners, that have always been there for them.... But what will happen to them the minute they're gone? Will they find their lives too lonely? Will they invite someone new to bed every night just to hug and be hugged? Or even worse, will they settle?

Nothing worse than settling. Settling for me is fear, is lack of faith in yourself, is death.
There are different kind of settlers:
Job settlers: "The job ain't that great, but I have these benefits, these paycheck, and stability". These are generally public employees, who settle because they think they will never lose the job. They don't follow their dreams (if they have any). Their job eats them inside out. They lack life objectives. They are too afraid to go out and look for another job. At the end of the day, they console themselves by knowing that they will have that job for as long as they shall live.
Study settlers: "After finishing higschool I'll study xxxx. I'll get into the work market really fast. I'll land a job for sure". These are people that study what society tells them to. They don't have ambition. They watch the news, and see this headline: "SECURITY ANALYSTS ARE ONE OF THE MOST ASKED FOR JOBS TODAY", and they go and study to become a Security Analyst (whatever that is), just because they think it'll grant them economic prosperity and job security. Bullshit. They are too scared to study carpentry, or to go to clowns college, or whatever it is they REALLY want to study. One should follow a hunch. Some of them do it in order to provide for their family, which is great, but lets get real, nothing provides more for a family than parents who are happy with their lives.

Life settlers: "Everything is fine". These are blind people, who can't see or won't see what is really going on in their lives. They'd rather live in a lie than face the truth. If you don't like something about your life CHANGE IT. It's easier said than done, I know, but thinking about it is a start.You'll never feel as free as the moment in which you let go of it ("it" being whatever troubles you). Believe in the future. Everyhting will be fine.
Love settlers: "Do you love him/her?" -"I'm happy". These are the people who fear loneliness. They need atention, they need to be looked after, they need someone to tell them how beautiful they are. They are like newborns. Scared of growing old alone. Scared of saying to the one person he/she loves "It's you". Taking in the first person that will look after them. These are the people that are said "I love you" and they reply with "Thank You", because they don't really love. They don't fool anyone. I don't know which one is sadder, the one who loves in spite of knowing he/she is not loved back, or the one that holds tight to that person that loves one. One day they will grow tired of it all, the sex, the spooning, the footsie shit, and they will just explode. They don't know themselves because they've never had time to themselves. Always jumping from relationship to relationship. These are the people that cry alone.

 I used to be part of the latter, until I managed to change my life, twist it. It was necessary. I had to grow up. And I had to do it alone. I think my timing was excellent.

Wow, this entry makes as much sense as The Rocky Horror Picture Show: